That's just basic humanity. Each party is still evaluating the other.). But don't do it at her work. All rights reserved. Obviously you dont want to be creepily waiting for him by his car or something, but it could give you a chance to ask him out while hes off the clock. Ive always thought of it more as, Hey, youre someone that seems to be intereseting, and Id like to get to know you better. (Actually, kind of like a job interview in a lot of ways, haha. A boy can regenerate, so demons eat him for years. I was 19 and very naive when a customer a few years older asked me out. Hes rung me up (cash register, not phone) multiple times and weve done the usual chitchat, and when Im at his store he very obviously stares at me and often pops up in the areas that Im shopping in. Thats exactly how Id do it. What do you think about customers asking you out? The checkout line isn't the place to have real conversations, let alone get your flirt on. I really dont understand the snark here, much less the do as I please nobody was threatening you with a restraining order. her safety and comfort was maintained by having someone she knew and was familiar with approach her discretely. Its not flattering, it makes me cringe. (Only bc in my case they were thankfully never true creepers). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. IMO, it is always 100% creepy to ask out a server/service employee waiting on you, period. Id hesitate against saying dont ask the employee out entirely, because sometimes asking someone out can lead to good things, but Id definitely caution against relying only on signals within the store as the basis for his interest. Anyway. That was 8 years ago. My female friend just started dating a waiter we met while out to eat. Webit takes some time and money to do this.. first come in the shop often (you probably had that part so you can skip that if you like) so she will notice you but yeah.. if she isn't looking at you because she has costumers to help, you still need to get her attention in some way.. you could humiliate yourself by tossing things on the floor or use a OP here, thanks for sharing your sweet, funny story. When hes done ringing you up say something that acknowledges how weird what your about to do is and then state that if he never calls you thatll be cook and you can both forget all about it forever. Its a numbers thing. and in that case, don't answer in a way that creates the expectation. He also rips off an arm to use as a sword. And above all, don't pressure her. With same-sex flirting, I feel like its a zillion times harder. And Ive just finished my milk.. They get stared at & aggressively flirted with on a regular basis. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Have you had a conversation about anything that isn't related to their work? Another option you may consider is going through her manager. (Then again, he might also think youre a shoplifter, for all I know But probably not.). I hated that aspect. The more you think about it the more chance you have of acting like a creeper lol. Special issue: when one is working, one has to do ones job or get fired. I actually thought the OP might be a man. I don't believe I do haha. I got the message. But my biggest problem is I'm pretty shy with people I don't know and I'm really worried about being "that guy". It was actually terrifying wondering if hed show up again. and our ", Although, if i were you, i would have used that line (but that's me). So everything is possible but it has a lot to do with the interpersonal chemistry. This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. It made me question my behavior and be mad at myself for smiling a lot and just being casual and courteous. Assenting to courtship is an act of whimsy. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former. OP here. Youre just engaging through a different means of communication rather than face to face. Get to know her (over a few visits to the grocery store) and in the process find somethings she's into. Also, ten creeps have delivered sleazy pickup lines to her since this morning, you don't need to be the next one. The Craigslist Missed Connectios where I live seem to have a lot of men who want to connect with the women who cut their hair, probably because its a longer encounter and there is more chit chat. She thought he was attractive and they got on well. Maybe you should stop by is perfect because simply not showing up is a lot easier than rejecting someone outright. Ooh, get a few people to go to a bar in the mall, and ask him to join you all after the shift. It pays Probably about a 95% chance she either is already partnered or not looking, for some good reasons you can't override. I was looking for posts/comments I made and making sure I not did left some hanging, I agree dont do it. Describe the importance of honesty and integrity, especially when dealing with cash and cards. I personally wouldnt ask him out directly, but would drop some hints about what youll be doing over the weekend (movies, wine festivals, coffee shops, etc.) And this is where our similarities come in to play: I was thinking, had I not had a girlfriend, would I ask this girl out? just joking. Keep in mind, if you do date, you may have to limit your time at this store anyway. My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. - This subreddit is **gender neutral**. What cinched it for me was my dad who was there with me. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? MMmmm Chipotle. This is while there were a line of people waiting for my attention. When she did, the man then ran behind her and hit her in the back of the head with a closed fist, seriously injuring her. Its her job to make connections with her customers and, you know, be nice. It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Generally, try not talking to women with the mentality oh my god I have to ask her out at some point. If nothing else, it might be a good way to screen for fellow AAM readers. If they seem receptive, try suggesting an activity or outing that could potentially bring both of you closer together. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. So I met this girl about two weeks ago. Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. Women should never go to an unfamiliar mans private address. (Explaining this because some people look at me funny when I talk about going to the drive-thru). Asking me point-blank if Id like to go on a date with you is going to make me feel really uncomfortable. "I don't know and I don't care" or if she answers something like: "I love those cookies, I wish someone would invite me to eat them.". Right, Ive always worked customer service, so I certainly take your point; but I do think its a very blurred line. Some people may have good intentions and be okay with a rejection, but there are a lot of men who arent and turn vicious if theyre ignored or rejected. He came and then asked me on a date afterward. Good day!". Part of having agency and being liberated is being able to say, Hell, no! It was pure stare porn, and she flushed and sighed. Its incredibly uncomfortable to be hit on by a customer who you cant say what you feel to, and theres a really uncomfortably dynamic. A woman, by her nature, is careful with whom she picks as her mate, biologically speaking, women carry a big responsibility for their off-spring. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. This seems like a bit of an overreaction to someone stating their opinion in a non-rude or abrasive manner. I usually just tried to be extra nice and funny about it without bringing in the orientation thing, then went on with the rest of my day. What are the advantages of running a power tool on 240 V vs 120 V? It was somewhat flattering with compliments but also uncomfortable if they couldnt accept my response. About 15 years ago I met a girl working at a local convenience store. just ask her if she would be interested in going to lunch with you i'm sure she would be flattered!!. Meet a friendly stranger in a very public, preferably bright lit space and, preferably surrounded by old friends and family. I was a good 10 years older than him AND he knew I was engaged because after the first incident I made sure to mention it. Most? In my opinion, her attitude towards the dynamic of the relationship between you is critical to understanding the best way to proceed. How To Get The Man Catcher In Castle Crashers? Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers. If you do this one or two times, you should get an idea of how she reacts. No real point to this expect to share that I have now been enlightened :). You might get the label 'creep' and you might find that your shopping experience will drop dramatically. OMG yes. Don't go forcing this or setting up though, because again that might just gain you the 'creep' label and might seem like you're stalking her however you do handle that encounter. It has to be something any random girl would find enjoyable all by itself even if you weren't involved. The way she did it was to grab another waitress and say hey, Id like to give my number to our waiter. Agreed. But I didnt love YOU. New blog post from our CEO Prashanth: Community is the future of AI, Improving the copy in the close modal and post notices - 2023 edition. So try some small-talk and see where it takes you, but be polite and do not ask for a date up front. What should I follow, if two altimeters show different altitudes? Cookie Notice Yes I definitely want to be cool about it and subtle and your story is inspiring! 3. It was very intentional for me to talk to you about games. I told him I was bartending that night and that he should come visit me, and I gave him my number. Just be polite. Another way might be something along the lines of: Its always nice to chat with you [name.] If she doesn't respond, just say "thank you" as the transaction completes and you depart. She'll now believe I go there just to see her and while you can't be judged in court for this, she will think it's creepy, she'll then tell her co-workers and they'll start to subtly take a pick on you. It stops being flattering at a certain point, and even then there is ALWAYS the pressure of Im at work how can I respond in a way that will keep this persons business and not cause a scene and get me in trouble with my boss?. She may feel like she has to accept or decline right there. For example: "I like to grab lunch here before going to [Public Event You Enjoy]". I am 21 years old and living in a large city in Germany where smalltalk in local markets is not a common thing. Although, if i were you, i would have used that line (but that's me). Site design / logo 2023 Stack Exchange Inc; user contributions licensed under CC BY-SA. If you are really interested and you think this guy could be something really special then there is a gentle way to go about it. He was never angry or aggressive when we were together, just smothering and overstepping his boundaries. As someone who has worked in customer service for a long time, I can tell you that it will make many customer service reps very uncomfortable. That's borderline stalking. Just try not to come off like a creeper if you do ask, and really try to absorb the advice the other commenters have provided. Adult education class. I thought he was over 25ish, he though I was under 25ish. We go out in public with strangers all the time after all. Nothing terribly overt but just talking, asking what I'm up to for the rest of the day and just seeming kind of excited to talk to me. Especially if whatever person I was talking to was clearly busy with something else. Acknowledge their feelings and thank them for being honest with you. This happens to us (generally speaking; there are certainly exceptions) *so often* that it can feel predatory at our jobs, even if it really isnt. Lets give them the benefit of the doubt here. Simple things. Thank you for the follow-up. Its not *dating* phobia per se its management phobia. Do your own research to find contact information; dont rely on the phone number printed on the check. This looks for me like a long comment and not like an answer. There are those rare occasions where it works out and they get married and live happily ever after, and Im an absolute sucker for those stories of taking a chance and it working out wonderfully. I am an adult who has a crush on someone (also an adult) who works in retail. Um nope and nope. Like youre causing major pain to someone by giving them your #. She has never worked a customer service job before so I guess the implications didnt occur to her? A perfectly well-kempt, apparently reasonable, gainfully employed and up-till-this-point-calm-and-polite man can and will suddenly turn into an epithet-hurling, personal-space-invading, boundary-crossing scary jerk when the words thanks, but no are uttered. Sadly she wasn't in today when I was. Youd be surprised by how many people do misinterpret friendliness for genuine interest. A female cashier was unable to provide the return, though. The worst that could happen to whom? Talk about power dynamics. Ask him how his day is going. He is the only person who ever scored my real phone number, and I wasnt a bit sorry. How to reinitiate conversations online with stranger taking long to answer my mail. I mean, aside from the 95% factor, she may have a prior engagement that night, so her failure to appear is not even a rejection, and she doesn't want to worry about you feeling like it was. *Actually, I was a lifeguard in another life. Offer to leave your number or contact details so that they can reach out if interested. Awkwardness is the enemy of whimsy. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I had my co-worker give him a note from me and he did call me up. As long as she's doing anything related to her job (which does involve commuting to and from her home) you leave her alone. When youre in a position where your continued success (and as a waitress, your actual ability to pay your eat/bills) is contingent on playing nice with people who treat you like crap day in and day outand looking sufficiently enthusiastic about it, thankyouverymuchthe power dynamic there is way off. Try it if you meet somewhere else. WebAnswer (1 of 16): No. Note that I am not recommending you ask her out, just suggesting a way of making it easier for her to say no without either of you losing face. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. But those of us who are normal dont actually do anything. Thanks, I agree that being cool about it and reiterating that a refusal is fine is the way to go! I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). Think of it this way: can you think of someone you think is genuinely rather awful? She might even get her manager to deny you access to the store. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, I own a game store with a terrible manager who I'm afraid to fire. I am a fairly attractive, personable guy and have been asked out by several customers over the years, and its never been a problem. August 26, 2005 1:13 AM Subscribe (1) Say something that clearly demonstrates that you like her. They have been married for almost ten years and have three year old twins. ", If she expresses interest in the activity as well, tell her more about it so she can attend: "Yeah, it's really fun. +1. He gave me his number and I called him to make plans. The amount was wrong. A lot of males who work in retail treat their job like the Bachelor and its extremely frowned on. One thing you could do, since you go often to that store, is: start building a basic "relationship" with the cashier. Studies show that men are not actually able, on average, to pick up on disinterest, if theyre interested in the person. You never know! (Well, I guess it was scandalous when marriages were arranged so okay, normal since women got agency.). Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world. Stay positive and move on quickly. A lot of managers will take the word of the customer over their employee, so it is not out the realm of possibility to be written up for that complaint. Its like when people say that women who are catcalled should feel flattered and that theyd personally feel soooo flattered if they had strangers harassing them on the street. This is exactly what I was coming here to post. But we can't comment more on that without knowing some specifics. end your doubts about cover letters, all ye who enter here, https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/, http://captainawkward.com/2011/07/04/blanket-statement-monday-stop-hitting-on-the-waitress/, http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2014/06/5-times-shouldnt-approach-women/, http://www.bodyforwife.com/she-doesnt-owe-you-shit/, my company decided to close for 2 weeks last year and charged me a chunk of this years PTO for it, what admin assistants really want from their coworkers, should my spouse have to be background checked for my job, one-way video interviews, and more, my boss keeps asking me to do things that aggravate our community partners, update: my employee wastes a huge amount of everyones time with helpful suggestions and questioning, 8 horror stories for Administrative Professionals Day, HR jokes about firing people, I want to stop giving reasons for my time-off requests, and more. And if that goes well, then you have created a good opportunity to ask her on a real date. Webit takes some time and money to do this.. first come in the shop often (you probably had that part so you can skip that if you like) so she will notice you but yeah.. if she isn't looking at There's no freedom of motion for her. (Still gay, now not so closeted :D) So while I was able to stumble out a decline that didnt out me and sounded fairly legitimate, the truth was Id been rather blindsided, and I spent the rest of the day scared that one of my coworkers would have overheard and I was going to get grilled about why I didnt agree to the date later on. I wonder if anyone has ever gathered real data on this? We talk every day and meet a few times a week. Girl has a boyfriend but says shes in love with both of us! But its not an ideal world and sexual entitlement doesnt always come in obvious, high pressure, sexually explicit packages. There are definitely some completely unreasonable managers out there, particularly in retail. A: Lindy Hop is a dance style that originated in Harlem during the 1920s and 1930s. Remember that she has to be somewhat friendly with you, don't force her to behave friendly against her will with someone she sees as a creep. I would not go to a private residence alone if I hadnt hung out with someone before. She's not interested. Asking nicely doesnt erase that. A simple "Would you like to continue this conversation after work some time?" At his job, he has to be polite. You can try going to the supermarket at different times, e.g. This shouldn't stop you from being nice to the cashier, or the post/tax office girl. WebIf a cashier asks out a customer, its easier for the customer to shop at another store or time. Truthfully, then youll know if the other person likes you platonically, and if you like them. Yes, it was a common interest, but I also had a certain number of reservations and sales I needed to make. Hahaha. I spent time on holidays (and shopping) in Germany, I am familiar with how retail in Germany, in large cities, works. Am I the only one remembering Taylor the Latte Boy and Lisa the Stalker Chick songs? Theres no reason to be too embarrassed to ever return upon rejection unless youre either serenading the guy in a public show, or if you be otherwise dramatic or persistent about it. That will most certainly backfire. All of my long term relationships have come from mutual friends or activity groups. This powerful weapon can be obtained through several means, and, To read the offense in Madden 21, look for the playmaker markers, pre-snap reads, and read/react opportunities. Because of that, it can be easy to Continue with Recommended Cookies, Would you be interested in going out sometime?. People always think theyll be the exception to this, but.ugh. You want to court her. My friend once slipped her number to a butcher at a supermarket and they ended up married. I have to admit I had NO idea that this was a *thing* with retail employees. And Says shes tired? And then you never, ever speak of it again. A: Be direct and sincere when asking the cashier out. WebOriginally Answered: How do you ask a (girl) cashier out? I think they key with both couples is that there were adults and past the minimum wage jobs. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. I used to work retail and used to get both hit on and asked out a lot. should I wear my wedding ring to an interview, client demands unlimited time, and more. At my local supermarket, some of the cashiers take smoke breaks near the public the entrance of the supermarket. Granted, this could mean nothing, but its impossible for me to know whats going on since the only place that I ever see him is in this store. For more information, please see our This is impolite and quite creepy. Whatever you do don't follow them after work into the parking lot. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. My guess is that the OP is a man, simply because men (of all orientations) are more likely to hit on service employees than women are. Tip number 2 for getting cashier girls: To seduce a cashier girl, be very well dressed and be well groomed. Show interest and respect, compliment the cashier, and then invite them out. Make yourself stupid by doing Meeting someone at a party (or going to a movie, while were on the topic) are not especially good first dates when youre attempting to get to know someone better. (Of course, maybe he WAS too embarrassed to ever return, but I cant think of why, because politely asking a person out isnt embarrassing), Thanks mel, a friend in retail recommended the note thing; thats how she began dating a customer. She was very nice, but I didnt get the vibe she was interested in him as well she seemed to just be doing her job as being accommodating. So whats the best way to ask ehr out or get her number while shes working? By the way, having this sort of opening is a big reason boys start rock bands. What I say may sound weird to some, but you can actually be cool and nice to women without any second thoughts. Obtaining it can be challenging, but with some guidance and dedication, you, Read More How To Ask A Cashier Out?Continue, Score a volley in FIFA 22 by pressing and holding the shoot button when receiving a coordinated pass near the goal. To restart a mission in Red Dead Redemption 2, you must first locate. Be bold with your words if possible but dont be too overt or desperate. Luckily I never got any creepy stalkers. Playing offense in Madden 21 takes skill, strategy and knowledge. The customer may never know if the employee wasnt interested or just couldnt make it, which can be tough, but it also means the customer cant take it personally. But if she's more sensitive, even this will upset her, freak her out and make her uncomfortable every time she has to help you again. Even when people flirt, theres this mentality that retail workers have to just play nice and be polite, which is often construed as flirting back. This is preferable because she is not under obligation to behave professionally for her work and you can spend some time chatting as equals. And if she doesn't come, well, you were planning to go there anyways so it's not a real loss on your part - you just spent an afternoon/evening doing something you already enjoy. Put yourself somewhere that she might be out of work. If she wants you to ask her out, she'll make clear signals that you won't have to post on the internet for help interpreting. I don't want to creep her out or make her uncomfortable, but I don't see her anywhere else to ask her. Hitting on people who depend on you for tips is low. I would be so creeped out if someone I was unfamiliar with asked me to stop by their home, even if they phrased it as a party invite. And it was always a minefield to navigate. I may or may not have drunk texted him after that and needless to say, we never ended up dating. Let me apologize in advance for all the guys out there who do this. And I have a boyfriend doesnt even slow down most of these guys. Basically, its not the question that is the problem but the power dynamics and concern for what might happen if you reject them given those power dynamics. These guys write Odes of Undying Love and Devotion to the people who make their coffee every morning, and generally feel like its reciprocated because they smile at me every time I come in. I think as long as its very very casual (coffee date, maybe a museum) and said with a cheerful smile (and maybe a no pressure, I dont want to put you on the spot thrown in there) theres no real harm. There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. I too worked retail and was both hit on and asked out. Then wait a couple of weeks before returning and never mentioning it again if you dont hear back. It's long enough to exchange more than a couple of sentences and gauge interest. I dealt with this just as much in a secretarial position as I did in retail. I tried to give it an international flavor (ie, here it's generally OK to make smalltalk or jokes if time allows, but that's not the same as asking her out). Thats a good practice for people. Meh. Need help with your relationship? But I will also say I met one really great boyfriend while working. OP think twice, thrice, four times before you do this. If the OP says smalltalk isn't a thing, I believe him, and it's another sign that flirting won't go over well. Not eHarmony, they discriminate against gays and lesbians. Even these women who we'd call "easy going" only go for what they feel is biologically safe / sound. Ugh. He didnt, but then I saw him one night at a club and I approached him and the rest is history! Or if she can recommend some better-tasting cookies. I did think your point about women being discouraged from asking men out was really interesting. - This is a **positive community**. Were not talking about sexual harassment, for heavens sake, its coffee (or actually, better causal ideas downstream). He was also very cool when I turned him down and he kept coming into the store, albeit maybe a little less frequently, and chit-chatted like nothing had happened (except for my red face because my face is my own worst enemy). now, the girl will laugh or will give an angry eye, depends on how you convey the tone. WebTalk about what you're going to make with your items.